and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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