Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
