No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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