Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My bed smells like the plague
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
