Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
