Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
