I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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