There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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