woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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