sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
