I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
