well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
