Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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