I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
