Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
