Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Randomize
