dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
