we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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