Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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