Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
