he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
