Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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