Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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