I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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