There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
