It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
