Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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