Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
