3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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