Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
