Banned from zoo.
Again?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
