i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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