So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
