Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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