dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
