thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
