I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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