I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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