I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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