Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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