Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
