was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
