roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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