I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
