his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
