Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
sarcasm needs its own font
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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