Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
