Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
