im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
