im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
